"Meet Ella" by James Middleton

In a thoughtful, inspiring book, James details his journey through clinical depression and how he rebuilt his life.

James and a Princess Friend, Charlotte, meet for the first time at a book signing! Credit: Charlotte

Trigger warning: This newsletter discusses mental health issues, including suicidal ideation.

Today, we are doing a review of Meet Ella by James Middleton, an instant Sunday Times bestseller. If you are a follower on Instagram and read our stories, then you know how much we love the Middleton family. So, I was particularly excited when it was announced James would be writing a memoir. (Side note: I have said forever that Carole should write a book, detailing how she started and grew Party Pieces. I think it would be a hit. The 1980s were a groundbreaking time for female-founded businesses, just like Party Pieces. Carole embodies that era.)

Before going on, I want to address one thing. Meet Ella is truly James’ story, it’s a stand-alone book, not dependent on being Kate’s brother. James has a powerful, inspiring story to tell, from mental health to helping families understand children who learn differently. It’s from a unique perspective, that James shares his life.  One thing I noticed, James and his doctor map out how his mental illness started and what impacted it most, what could have been the catalyst. So, this is not a book the Queen would have objected to, as we have questioned about other recent “royal-ish” books. This is James’ story. And, I can imagine, QEII (probably the most famous dog lover in the world) would be cheering for James and Ella. In the acknowledgments, James explains why he wrote this book.

      This book’s origins go back to 2019 when I spoke publicly for the first time about my mental health. I was full of trepidation but my subsequent article in a national newspaper sparked such an outpouring of love and understanding that I wanted to expand the scope of my story and try to help others who were suffering similarly.

I had been warned by a friend about the prologue, titled, My Darkest Night. In it, James details the night he went to the top of the Middleton family London townhouse, contemplating taking his own life. So well known to Kate fans, it’s where Kate and Pippa lived after college and then James too, when he was in London. The skylight he mentions climbing through to reach the flat roof, can be seen in real estate pictures from when Carole and Micheal sold the house. It’s a home, royal watchers know well. It was November 2017, Pippa had married that May and James was living there alone with Ella. James writes:

   One bleak November night in 2017, I reach my lowest ebb. It is around 2 a.m. and I cannot sleep. I’ve barely eaten for days, and when I do, the food clogs my throat and makes me retch. I pace around the flat where I live alone, the four walls that confine me seeming to close in on me. I feel suffocated, desperate for air.

James climbs out onto the townhouse’s flat rooftop and paces, trying to decide what he will do next. Remembering that night, James shares:

   As I pace, I look down through the skylight and see my spaniel Ella’s gentle eyes looking back up at me. Like me, she has been wakeful all night. She senses my strange, agitated state of mind. She cannot climb the ladder - I would not want her to, it is too dangerous on the exposed rooftop and there are no safety rails – but she is standing at the foot of it imploring me with her eyes to come down… What would Ella do without me? She depends on me and I on her. The feeling is entirely reciprocal.

James’ pacing continues, for over an hour. Then he realizes, he will not jump. He explains those moments here:

   I glance down the ladder again. Ella has not moved. Her brown eyes are still staring at me intently, soulful and pleading, and as my gaze locks on hers, my brain quiets. In that instant I know I will not jump. What would happen to Ella if I died? How long would she wait alone in the flat for someone to find her… She has loved me unconditionally, faithfully. At night, when sleep eludes me, she is there on the bed beside me, willing me through the bleak pre-dawn hours.

As you can see, at many points, the book is raw with emotion, unfiltered and real.

You do not have to read the prologue if it’s too much, to understand the book. For me, the hardest part to read was James’ description of what happened and how he felt, right before he asked for help. His descent into the worst part of his clinical depression was heartbreaking.

Chapter One starts out by describing little James, the boy. His very kind and gentle nature was apparent from the start. The “entire animal kingdom” was James’ favorite domain. He was endlessly saving injured animals or taking close friends and neighbors’ dogs for walks. He even taught his pet bunny, Jess, how to walk and heel on a lead. Giving her carrot treats as he took her shopping in town on her leash. (Can you imagine? It sounds absolutely precious.) James shares this about his childhood:

   In fact, at my prep school, St. Andrew’s in Pangbourne, it became my mission to rescue any creature in distress… I’m sure now that my teachers must have been exasperated by my philanthropic rescue missions, especially when protracted negotiations with animal charities were involved. How many hypothermic mice could the RSPCA accommodate? How many dying blackbirds? Needless to say, I was on first-name terms with all the inspectors.

Growing up, James is a responsible young boy, who is captivated by animals, especially those he can nurture and save. Schoolwork is a struggle for him, since he has dyslexia. Even being left-handed becomes an issue, as he is forced for almost a year in school to use his right hand. Later, it’s clear James is ambidextrous. Readers get a clear picture, even with the best education available at that time, James was failed by an educational system that was unable to meet him where he was at. Whereas, Kate and Pippa excelled at sports and academics, James had to work twice as hard and still get 50% of their results. His efforts clearly were not lost on his teachers at prep school though, as James was awarded the Headmaster’s Prize in his final year. James explains why here.

   This confidence clearly shone through, and in my final year I was awarded the Headmaster’s Prize, an accolade, on this occasion, given to a good-natured boy who would never breeze effortlessly into university with a clutch of glittering exam results, but would rather perish himself than abandon a dying animal.

One other story I must include from his school days is this one. I think it’s so illustrative of the kind of person James must be. James was constantly getting demerits for a number of trivial things at school. Neither Kate or Pippa ever received one. Once, after being set up in a prank by bullies, James was issued the harshest demerit, a pink chit. The punishment for all pink chits, a mile run at 7 a.m. Because of James’ nature, he was able to turn a bad situation into something good, he explains how here.

   Actually, this punishment wasn’t a burden to me at all. I enjoyed the early-morning run in the fresh air. In later years, I built friendships by accompanying pupils who had been issued with pink chits on their dawn jogs to the monument, just for the fun of it. In fact, it helped shape the resilient person I am today.

The book also charts the path of James and Alizee’s relationship, from meeting to marriage and having their son, Inigo. They met unexpectedly, about a year after that fateful night in November 2017. I think besotted is the perfect word for how James feels about Alizee. The whole book is full of interesting stories, funny tidbits. But one I was not expecting, James describing how depression and his low sex drive, a side effect of the antidepressants, were no match for his attraction to Alizee. He describes that time here:

   If you’d told me in my darkest moments that within a year of contemplating ending my life I would have met my future wife, I’d have been annoyed; infuriated that anyone would suggest that fortunes could change so abruptly, that it could possibly be true.

   My mind was starting to heal, my parents were breathing a tentative sigh of relief, but the last thing on my mind was finding a girlfriend.

   One of the challenges - rarely discussed - about clinical depression and anxiety is that it dampens your libido. You don’t feel motivated by sex when your life is overhung by a black cloud.  

   The prescription antidepressants I was then taking - although I was initially resistant, I conceded that I needed them, but only as a temporary measure to see me through the bleak early days of my illness - also added to the problem. Not the most auspicious start when you are dating.

As most know, Alizee is French and they were married in France. But, one detail of their wedding, had me in tears. Alizee’s father, Jean Gabriel (Inigo Gabriel’s namesake), who she adored, very unexpectedly died before the wedding, while on a bike ride. As part of the prewedding activities, everyone who arrived early for the wedding joined together on a bike ride, retracing Alizee’s Dad’s final ride.

   We retrace Jean Gabriel’s route along the meandering clifftops with their sparkling ocean views; we take in the lingering scent of the last wild lavender… For Alizee, it is bittersweet, conjuring mixed emotions: the sadness of loss and longing, but joy, too, that her papa’s last journey was one of sublime beauty… At the end, we swim, reminisce, laugh, cry, and eat baguettes. It is our own small, impromptu memorial to Jean Gabriel.

The book also details the loving support James’ family surrounds him with. Even as his parents are frustrated that he’s leaving college, they don’t complain about the collection of dogs he starts to amass. Indeed, when Ella is pregnant, James shares the news via an ultrasound picture left on the refrigerator. Hoping the relief that it’s not a pregnancy created by James, blunts the shock that Ella’s welcoming a litter of puppies very soon. “My ruse worked,” James writes. “There was an audible sigh of relief from Mum as she peered at the fuzzy, indistinct image and I told her she was soon to be a granny to a batch of adorable puppies.”

James also shares a few royal stories. What surprised me, the Middletons spend more time than I assumed at the Christmas holidays with the royal family. Indeed, Kate’s January birthday is sometimes hosted at Sandringham itself, not just Anmer Hall. Most know that Kate, for many Christmases, hosts her family at Anmer. But, that also extends to the greater Sandringham estate. James describes what a warm welcome they receive here.

   Whenever we visited Sandringham, the Queen, being a dog lover herself, welcomed Ella, and one year after Christmas, Tilly and Zulu came too. Her Majesty was always concerned about their well-being, and knowing the special place Ella held in my heart, she allowed her unprecedented privileges.

   ‘Did you get my message, James?’ she asked me the first time I visited. ‘Ella is welcome to stay in your room.’

   I couldn’t contain my surprise and delight. How thoughtful of the Queen to make a special concession for Ella.  

From my notes on the book, I haven’t even shared a quarter of the points I wanted to, funny stories, sweet moments about the Middletons, and interesting details James’ observes about his journey through clinical depression. Although, at times, the book feels heavy and intensely sad, it’s not. It’s really a story of redemption, love, and healing. I highly recommend reading it and sharing it as gifts to family and friends. I think it would help those that love someone struggling with mental health issues, to understand the process more. And to say, there can be recovery and a beautiful life ahead. One point that’s not discussed enough too, this is the perfect book for parents and families with a child that learns differently than mainstream education is designed to educate. James carried that burden so heavily and it really affected him, long-term.

I would just add a few words of caution. One, the first several chapters are the warm-up. You can see and feel how the writing and story gets better and progresses as the chapters unfold. Keep going, it’s good. Also, James discusses traveling with Ella in the cargo of the plane, how the crew treats her so well. I would caution never to do this. We aren’t Middletons, with airplane staff checking and rechecking that our loved pets are safe. God forbid, something happen to James Middleton’s dogs, it would be world news. Dogs aren’t safe in cargo. Please don’t risk it. Lastly, James describes baby Ella being trained to self-soothe, just from James’ voice through the door. But, by the end of the book, Ella is sleeping at the end of his bed. I’m not sure if that was the strictness of a first-time parent, but there was an evolution in Ella’s nighttime routine. Like human babies, puppies need love and cuddles at night, a scary time for them to be separated from their Mom and litter.

It might surprise you to know, that I do not read a lot of royal, or royal related, books. Most are just not worth it. Meet Ella is different. And it stands on its own as an engaging, thoughtful, relevant book which addresses many issues facing society and families today.

Wishing James, Alizee, Inigo and all their pups, the very best!!